Doing the Best that I Can

I give myself permission to make mistakes

As long as a lesson is learned

I give myself permission to fall

As long as I stand back up

I give myself permission to fail

As long as I persevere

I give myself permission to love

As long as I know my worth

I give myself permission to be angry
To be sad

As long as I do not remain bitter

I give myself permission to cry
To hurt
To dislike

As long as I do not dwell in misery

I give myself permission to give up for a day

As long as I try again tomorrow

I give myself permission to be me

As long as I remember

I am human

Reflect

What gives you the right to criticize me?
When you were not in my shoes
If you really think about it
You could be considered one too
When you drank
Being the center of attention is what you pursued
Amusing that you use that label
For someone who prefers to be to herself
Now it’s time to hold yourself accountable
Cause none of us want to be left on a shelf

Maybe

Maybe I’m just bad at relationships
Or maybe people, do not know how to love
I have made up my mind
I am done
Chasing
Looking
I am content with being on my own
I accept that maybe I’m supposed to be alone
In my thoughts
My space
But if the time comes where you walk in
I’ll be ready
With open arms
Only if you mean
No harm

Open Up to Me

I need to hear you say something

Anything

Just a hey or a hi

Start the conversation

All you have to do is try

Am I crazy to think that you would want someone like me?

We are on two different levels

From what I see

You are successful

I am still trying to get by

So you tell me

If this thing is real or a lie

Deep down

I can’t just let you go

But I am not desperate enough

To chase a shadow

I know

The fear of rejection can be hard

Believe me

I’ll show you a heart that is scarred

Yet, if you never move closer

We will never know

If a notion of love could grow

Leaving me to make a decision

Of possibly

No longer being in your vision

D.B.L. (Dream Believe Love)

I am a dreamer
A believer
A lover
Not a fighter
I am not a schemer
And would rather give than to be the receiver
I dream of a time that will ignite and excite
When a light at the end of the tunnel will be in sight
I believe in the ability to feel free
In love and fate
That good things happen to those who wait
The power of an individual’s might
and that anything can be conquered if you just take flight

Demons Dancing

Playing with these demons, they’ve become my best friends
Dancing around all the parts of my head
Full of deceit and anger with no invitation to attend
Trying to make me lose my peace of mind is what they intend
I’ve given more of myself to people than I can defend
I just want to forget the world exists as I fall asleep in my own bed
After saving others for so long, who will come to my aid?
When I have needed them the most, they all go astray.
So I turn to the voices in my brain
The only ones who have stayed.

Baby Steps

I am not where I want to be but I am closer than ever before.
I can feel the adrenaline in my veins preparing me to soar.
When will this door open, where I can stand for something much bigger than this war?
There is a world waiting to be explored.
With a sense of adventure that cannot be ignored.
I am ready to break through these chains and let the nation hear my roar.
Yet I still feel like it is an eternity away
As I stand by this shore, waiting and wishing for the day to settle the score.
I will persevere in the hopes of a miracle within the year.
Like a mountaineer I will hold on till the storm clouds disappear.
I foresee something out there
being greater than the expectations I have in my dreams.
Eventually I will get to my destination,
but until then I will continue to go down stream.

Weary Travel 

I’m a lost soul, just the same as you.
Let’s fly away into the night sky together, until we’re out of view
Show me where your dreams hide so I can chase the stars along your avenue.
Bring out that inner child in Neverland, the imagination we once knew.
Do not worry about pleasing people who have no clue.
The boy grew into a man but sometimes it’s okay to not have a plan.
To have a little fun and pretend we are Peter Pan.
But if you falter in your fantasy,
I’ll be the doorman who holds the key to get you back to reality.
We all at some point feel like we are racing through life like a grand prix.
I want to be by your side through it all though,
this is my plea as you travel the sea.
Like a bird with the wind carrying their wings,
this is the definition of being free.

Comparing Yourself is a Waste of Your Time

Unless you reside under a rock, you are probably around people on a consistent basis. These characters may have a successful career, a family, financial stability (or freedom), fame, a good support system, many friends, good looks, a significant other, material wealth, or love. If you are on the internet, they could have “followers, subscribers, likes, friends, and comments.” Of course those are just a few examples of what people may have in their lives. As technology evolves, it is now easier than ever to compare our circumstances to someone else by just a click of a mouse or keyboard. So the question then becomes, Why do we put so much emphasis on a life that is not our own? There are so many reasons why we compare ourselves to other people. For many, we do it out of insecurity. We place a judgement on our own lives because we see other people who have what we want in life.

When I was younger, I used to question why others had it so much easier than me. Why was it easier for them to make friends? At school, how do classmates study for an hour and ace a test but when I study for three hours, I flunk? Why do students not get bullied or made fun of like I do? How are they any different from me but I get a label stating that I am the weird one? How do people know what they want to do with their lives but I have no idea what I am even going to wear tomorrow? While those high school kids went off to college, graduated, and started their new careers, I was in and out of a local community college. I changed my major on four separate occasions. As kids grew into adults, marriages started occurring which lead to babies being born. A community I had grown up with, now had additional chapters being written in their book, while I was still on section one. I started to resent others for the life they were living because they seemed so much happier and knew what they wanted to do with their existence.

Comparing does not always involve material things or the way someone thrives. When we compare ourselves, we can also over analyze appearances. Many times when I looked at another woman, I told myself, “Whoa. She is so much prettier than me. No wonder I am not in a relationship if that is what I have to compete with.” Men are not excluded from this either. Recently, I encountered a man who became jealous of a male co-worker because a woman did not find him to be as attractive as the guy he is envious of.

It has taken me years to finally stop comparing another person’s journey to my own. The same can be said about examining myself in contrast to a woman’s outward image. I have realized that my time on this planet is not meant to be like that of another. Analyzing myself over what another girl looks like or their lifestyle, only brings negativity into my world. Inevitably, it brings in the feeling of resentment which will just take me off my path even more because I am not focused on moving forward. I am an individual who has her own ideas, thoughts, feelings, expectations, and goals so why should my experience resemble another human being. Every inch of my life has been a fight. Every time I think I am going somewhere, I end up taking a giant step back. So I get back up one more time, only to face another obstacle in front of me and the cycle continues. I may get frustrated and impatient but I know the grief surrounding my situation will be worth it in the end.

In order to break this cycle of negativity, it all starts with your attitude involving your own course and the way you think about yourself. I think we need to be accepting of ourselves, first and foremost. Accepting that we are all unique in our personality, body types, and the roads we walk down on. Then the next step, is to start encouraging each other for their accomplishments or in their struggle. I think it is comical when we see only the joyful times in a person’s life but we never see the hardships behind closed doors. We never think that they battle too because we do not see it in reality. Though, we all have our trials. If we start focusing on being more of an encouragement or happy for someone else, then it will reflect back onto our own livelihoods. Think about it this way. If you put negativity out there, you will most likely get negativity back but if you put positive energy out, the world will give it in return. I suppose that is what karma is all about? It may not make sense to you now but please believe, that it does work.

I truly do have faith that everyone who is born in this world, holds a specific purpose in their soul. Some may know what it is and may be fulfilling it now as you are reading this. Others may still be searching for theirs. Wherever you are on this expedition, remember that we all have our own timing. Some individuals get their faster while others need to learn a few things before they reach that first destination. Do not be discouraged by your own life. Grow and learn from it. As the saying goes, “With age comes wisdom.” Finally, I find this quote below to be inspiring. It may help someone gain a different perspective on where they currently are in this crazy odyssey we are on.

“I know people who graduated college at 21, and didn’t get a salary job until they were 27.

I know people who graduated at 25 and already had a salary job.

I know people who have children and are single.

I know people who are married and had to wait 8-10 years to be parents.

I know people who are in a relationship and love someone else.

I know people who love each other and aren’t together.

There are people waiting to love and be loved.

My point is, everything in life happens according to our time, our clock.

You may look at your friends and some may seem to be ahead or behind you, but they’re not.

They’re living according to the pace of their clock, so be patient. You’re not falling behind, it’s just not your time.”

– Julissa Loaiza