Just be you

Photo by Fotoworkshop4You from Pixabay.com

Would you fight through
Dragons and
Wars and
Hurricanes and
Beasts that bump in the night
Would you fight through
Witches and
Vampires and
Gargoyles and
Fires that bring destruction when they ignite
Don’t
I do not need you to be a knight
I just want you to bring your light

What do you Want?

Photo by qimono from Pixabay.com

I am not quite sure, what your intentions are
Could it be that you’re just yearning for another cigar?
And after it’s all done
Would you just toss it out after having your fun?
I can’t be with you if I’m only second best
If you only need me cause you’re depressed
Nothing is set in stone
But I want the truth from you about the unknown

Not Everything but Something

đź“· Image by gary gray from Pixabay

Give me someone who is whole

Stable

Attentive

Respectful

A man who won’t hide his soul

Give me someone who is wise

Encouraging

Spiritual

Outgoing

A man that doesn’t lie

Give me someone who is open minded

Challenging

Independent

Generous

A man who isn’t unkind

Give me someone who is bold

Passionate

Creative

Faithful

A man who isn’t cold

Give me someone who is faulty

Flawed

Stubborn

Scarred

A man who is imperfect but ideal for me

Doing the Best that I Can

I give myself permission to make mistakes

As long as a lesson is learned

I give myself permission to fall

As long as I stand back up

I give myself permission to fail

As long as I persevere

I give myself permission to love

As long as I know my worth

I give myself permission to be angry
To be sad

As long as I do not remain bitter

I give myself permission to cry
To hurt
To dislike

As long as I do not dwell in misery

I give myself permission to give up for a day

As long as I try again tomorrow

I give myself permission to be me

As long as I remember

I am human

Different Directions

You have been my best friend for 24 years. How did we come to a place that I fear, we cannot come back from? In the years leading up to the current, you have always been busy. However, we have always found a way to come back to one another and pick up from where we left off.

This…

This is different, though.

I try to be understanding to the situation at hand. I am a single female who is still trying to figure out what I am doing with my life. Meanwhile, you have a new companion. A husband and a family of your own. I would never want to be more of a priority than them. Yet, it seems like I am not important at all.

Like the ocean tide, we have gradually drifted apart.

We used to hang out all the time.

Playing house.

Singing songs.

Making up dance routines.

Playing at your family’s garage.

Hanging out with extended family.

Going to church together.

Laughing at nothing.

Talking about boys.

Doing each other’s hair.

Being there for each other when life got hard.

Picking up the pieces from the people who broke our hearts.

It saddens me because over the two decades of friendship that we have shared, I never thought we would arrive at this kind of fork in the road. Two people, who have almost, completely lost one another in their journey.

I made a pact with you that we would be in each other’s weddings. Well I still have to fulfill that promise to you. What happens if we stop showing up? What if we do not talk at all? What if we become so involved with our own lives we forget to call? Some of that is already happening so what would happen if we reach the bottom of this downfall?

It really should not surprise me, though. People come and people go. I have had many friends say goodbye just as fast as they have said hello. Even close friends who I thought would never leave me alone. I must admit that some were for good reason and I am thankful for weaving my way through them. Still, the sting of this hurts because I do not want it to end.

Tormenting

It’s a sad torment to know you will never be someone’s prority
I am always an option
Never the choice
I choose to take care of others
Yet no man has ever nurtured my wants or needs
I do not mean money or material things
Your time
Attention and
Consistency are the keys
If that is something you cannot give
Then I will have to go back to where it begins
By myself
Where I should have been

Eruption

One of the worst things is being sucked into a volcano

What’s worse is being in your own

The lava burns through your veins as it’s patience wanes

Ready to burst through every pore of your mountain esque skin

So it waits

And waits…

Waiting

Till it reaches a boiling point of no return

Rocks spew out

Hitting everything in their path

An outpouring of fire

melting all that it covers

It doesn’t mean to cause destruction

Yet it does not know any better

You call it mean

But this is the nature of it’s being

You tried to warn the others

Trying to help them move to safety with your subtle cues

Nevertheless some just ignore them because they don’t understand it as well as you do

Retreating to shelter

But it’s force is too strong

It pulls you back in

No matter how strong you think you are

It starts to consume you

As you cry out in agony

It’s tyranny makes you feel like you have no purpose

You’re worthless in it’s ruthless eyes

Sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss

Realize you do have the power to overcome this

If you can look beyond the ashes and the depths of despair

Can you see the majestic bliss of what you call a nightmare?

If I Could

If I could

I would erase the miles between you and I

Lay my head against your chest

Listening to the heart that beats in rhythm with mine

I would obsess over the way you look into my eyes

And no longer fantasize

About you being next to me

I would digest every detail of what your hand looks like

Wrapped around your future wife’s, admirably

Words are communicated that have been left unsaid

While doubts are laid to rest with just one kiss to my forehead

I would sit in awe of you

Letting the moment sink in

As I let out one big sigh of relief

My soul renewed and filled with adrenaline

But the peace you bring, is more than I have ever known

What a contradiction

To have harmony within a cyclone

I would laugh at all your best jokes

Paying attention to what evokes your spirit to sing with joy

Even if I may annoy you from time to time

I would never be left behind

There would be days when we disagree

Though nothing could come between the love of you and me

Reflect

What gives you the right to criticize me?
When you were not in my shoes
If you really think about it
You could be considered one too
When you drank
Being the center of attention is what you pursued
Amusing that you use that label
For someone who prefers to be to herself
Now it’s time to hold yourself accountable
Cause none of us want to be left on a shelf